Saturday, January 11, 2003
Today I got contacted by an ex-girlfriend. I am both saddened and mystified on how we screwed our relationship. I am mature enough to realize that, just as it takes two people to start a relationship, it takes two to make it work.
But unfortunately in my life, opportunities are far and few between. So I am always trying to learn from my experiences, so that when I enter into a relationship, at least I won't repeat the previous experiences.
You know, sometimes we tolerate unhealthy relationships, because we are lonely, and if we can get something out of it, either in companionship, emotions or sex. We tend to overlook the fact that there is no real basis for a relationship. No one is perfect, but after hearing, when I used to listen to Dr. Laura Schleschinger on the radio. I heard all these stories of relationship problems, and then I compared to my experiences.
I learned a lot of things, I am still learning. But let me share some of the things, I have learned.
Relationships are like a contract, each of us has different needs and expectations, we don't always realize what we really want, and what the highest/lowest priorities are. I mean look how many people hate being lonely, so they'll endure abusive relationships. Loneliness is a very powerful emotion, and I feel it alot.
We all have different emotional needs because all of us are different and have different strengths and weaknesses. So when we pick someone for a relationship, we unconsciously try to feel if our needs are met, and if the ones being met are the ones that matter to us. And when there are moments when we feel unloved, or unappreciated, there are several symptoms.
One, is the give/take balance, if you are satisfying more of the other persons needs than your own, then you are not being smart. There are people who will just take and take and take. They feel if you are going to give, they'll take. So you can't passively wait for them to change, you need to take a stand, and stop giving until the balance is back. And they have to make serious effort. This is one of the most subtle things to learn, if you can get aware of it, you will have much healthier relationships.
Two, is communicating your needs, and letting each other know where you are in your happiness and satisfaction level. It takes a lot of guts and practice, but you can't solve problems if you are not aware of what each other's problems are. I have heavy experience with this. This one is very important, please try it.
Three, once you understand each other, and do your best to help each other out, you are definitely on the right track. The next step is individually maturing emotionally, responsibly, and financially. Before you can go for the long haul, you need to grow up, and be that full adult partner for the one you love.
Does this make sense?
Thought for tonight: Love is great, but it takes work to make relationships last. How much work have you both given?
Peace and love to all of you!
Healing and wisdom are on my mind tonight. As I hang in the depression room. I try to find ways to make me feel better, and also help others. I am not an altruistic person. Altruism as a false idea. I help others towards mutual gain. And that's the true healing way to deal with all aspects of reality. Equality is not just about rights and prejudice, it's about treating people exactly the way you are treated by them. I can't help but think about our national emergencies going on. Michael Savage said it right, we can not kid ourselves anymore. 911, was an act of war, and to pretend otherwise would only lead to our own destruction, do we want to die yet? As individuals and as a nation, and as an idea? Pardon my language, but over my fucking body. No way, America is a great country which is at one of it's worst levels of fulfilling the dreams and ideals set by our founders. You know the founders gave us so much, and we look to them for inspiration, but it's time for us to be the adults, create new ideas, to create a new better america. The past was awesome, in how we became a free nation, free from external tyranny. Not like today, with internal tyranny. Despite our problems with Iraq and North Korea, and the United Nations, I feel very much this nation is close to a civil war. And I am not kidding, and if you want to drool and fantasize about what coulda woulda shoulda, then go find another country to waste your life in. What is this civil war over? There are those who oppose the concepts of America, a country where the government is by the people for the people. Have we forgotten what that means? That means that if there is a problem with government, then it is up to us, to correct it! Either by voting, or if there is that much tyranny, we can not let our country be destroyed by being afraid of what it takes to be a free and noble country. If that means violence, then so be it, if it is towards our common goal. Let's identify what i call America's Common Goal:
- Respect the importance of a two-parent male/female parents as family. It's not complicated, I know there are accidents that cause single parenting, but our current political structure has rewared and encouraged the death of the family, to have more children by dependant mothers and fathers. Who instead of having the time to grow and find a life and a career, are forced to abandon any future to take care of kids, they are clearly not ready for.
- Respect our religious differences. It means that there is no such thing as seperation of church and state, that is a completely invalid policy and idea. We are in a culture where the church is not quite the power it was during the middle ages. Guess what we're in the bleeping 21st century. Let's grow up, and respect each other's belief, and be free to participate in any level of religion or government or both.
- Re-compile the american dollar, let's really clear up any future economic problem, by having 1-1 to relationship with our paper/metal currency to gold. Remember the old days? During bad times in early germany, people carried around buckets of money that had very little value. So maybe there is less dollars, but that means things cost less, and everything will be more realistic and trackable.
- Major tort and legal reform for civil and criminal. I'll cover civic later, but here's my thought on criminal reform. Let's simplify this, which should speed it up. Two simple aspects of the judicial procedure, first is the determination of guilt, did that person commit that crime. Yes or no. Intent means diddly here. Has no relevance, we do not care how sane or unsane you are. Or how emotionally disturbed or abused as a child. That all has no relevence. Instead after guilt has been determined a seperate proceedings determines the sentencing and that is where intent and all can be plead. Let's get the guilty to the sentancing, in and out. Two seperate procedures, and two seperate judges. One comment, on traffic law. I have a simple philosophy, If i didn't damage anything or anyone including myself, who fucking cares if i went 5-10 miles above the speed limit. I may be stupid, but I have NOT hurt anyone!
- All laws from now on, can not even be voted on, until everyone on all sides can 100% agree with on the interpretation of what law they want passed. In others words if it's more than 100 words, do not waste their time. If no one can understand it, then don't bother...Once this is adopted for all current laws, a special bureau should be developed to review all past laws, if makes no sense it is immediately repealed.
Friday, January 10, 2003
All life is a learning phase. Sounds cheeky doesn't it. Learning is good, but it's really a tool for handling reality aka life. Cuz when crap happens, you'd want to learn what caused it to prevent it from happening again. I've been called a free thinker today. And I just thought, aren't we all free to think the way we want to? Although there are reprecussions for acting out unhealthy and immoral thoughts. Life is about total freedom, however to enjoy it properly you need total self-responsibility. As a teenager, my mother was always going on about being mature, now don't we all have different definitions of what mature is? My mother meant for me to act in a very mature way, which had nothing to do with me completing my growing up. There is a big fallacy that thinking just because a teenager became 18-20, that means they are grown up. Growing up into full adults, is not just about the physical or even mental. It's about having learned the lessons that life has to teach you, and sometimes you have to go thru a lot of experiences to get it. So what are the major areas of growing up?
- Understanding what it takes to have a good relationship.
- Developing the skills to do your part of having a good relationship.
- Understanding the real and serious committment to make a relationship work.
- Understanding the people behind the roles of your parents and siblings. That they are real people with real gifts and lackings.
- A solid crap detector, I find is highly useful. Because until you get a job, and work, for awhile, you really have no idea, of what it takes to get a job and hold a job, and grow in a job.
- Coolness and popularity, matter less than nothing compared to character and integrity. Because when your life depends on it, you do not go to the most cool person for help, you go to the people you trust and care for.
What a way to wake up in the morning.
The sad part of growing older, is the harsh reality of getting awake. Interesting news on the Russians, that they are in favor of more diplomacy when dealing with Iraq. When Iraq has always lied and decieved everytime the inspectors have gone there. And it's been proven time and again.
I hate the idea of war, but if a country proves by it's actions, that is incapable of being responsible for evil actions, then we need to take action. It's that simple.Read Here
BTW I love watchin re-runs of the Lois and Clark series, starring Terrie Hatch and Dean Cain. It's based on the relationship of Superman to Lois Lane. But the quality of the acting, and the introduction of greatest power of Superman. It's his parents. I love the feeling of character and integrity, especially watching live examples of good parenting. Too often the most importants things get ignored, because we assume that we have no responsiblity beyond just feeding the kids. Screw that, a parent has to be the person to help grow and mature their kids. Not be their friend.
I think Good Parenting is a lost art. I hope to eventually be one someday myself. There is so much to our modern world, that resembles the fall of the romans. I wonder how we can rescue ourselves from America falling to self-destruction?
Thought for the Day: Does anyone care about the quality of our country? Do you?
Thursday, January 09, 2003
Hello there, it's been an exhaustive day. By day in my secret identity as a Web Developer. I work on different jobs. We all have bad days, this unfortunately has been one of them.
Work is probably one of my most happiest times, or it can be. I guess with my under-developed social life, work is all that I have to give everything to. Other than this site.
This is the common thread of the great people in life. That ability to both balance their lives, so they have a whole life, but also to have a calm determination to get ahead in the business world.
Business is one of the great inventions of our times, it gave us something to focus on, instead of killing each other, we compete against each other.
I love that competition, because I hate the idea of just sitting at home with no goals or objectives or activities.
It it much more exciting and development of character, and I love character.
I think character and integrity are the sexiest things around..
Anyways, enough for now, I need a haircut!
Good morning, I am listening to the Foo Fighters singing All My Life on MTV.com as a I struggle to wake up for the mornings rush to work.
Life is full of efforts and work that is done to help us pay our bills, and just fulfill our responsibilities.
One of my favorite movies of all time is Little Buddha starring Keaneau Reeves, Bridget Fonda and Chris Issak. It's a great movie, based on a true story of these tibetan monks looking for the reincarnation of their great teacher. In the process, of educating a possible incarnation, a 10 year old american boy, they tell the story of Prince Siddartha who becomes Buddha.
It is one of the most heart warming, and challenging to concepts of life. But well worth it, to learn more about life.
Keaneau Reeves stars as Prince Siddartha, a young man who is extremely sheltered from life by his very powerful and controlling father the King. He wants to know what life is really like. But normally he just plays lots of game, and gets the royal treatment for simple pleasures.
Until one day, he hears this singing, that just grabs him by the heart. He goes to find the source, and he finds his wife, the Princess, trying to prevent him from learning too much of the real world, she stands by this mountain girl with her zither and her amazing voice.
But it is so compelling the pain and beauty in her voice, even if you can't figure out what she's singing about. So Prince Siddartha asks the Princess what the singer is sing about. And she starts to say that it is about her times in the mountains, a lot of sad times, but also of incredible beauty. (When I am hearing this, I could feel it really sink into my soul and heart.) And the Princess talks about the singer experiencing a lot of pain and suffering.
Prince Siddartha has been very sheltered, so he has no idea what pain and suffering is. The King surrounds the Prince with only healthy, non-suffering young men and women. And then he gets the sense that not all is right with the world, that there is something deeper in life, than just playing his favorite games.
So his father offers a way to let him see outside the palace and meet the people. Of course, the King uses his guards, to make sure no old or suffering people welcome the Prince. But two, old and suffering men, show up, the guards try to take them away. But the Prince follows, wanting to see this pain and suffering up close.
His friend and guide goes with him, and tries to explain things to the Prince. They go into this poor part of the city, and they see the different crafts and some stores, until they start to see the diseased, the old and the suffering. And finally the Prince follows to see a funeral. Which he has no idea what death is?
He feels so deeply the memory of that girl's singing, how deeply beautiful and sad it is. It feels so true to him, that he wants to find a way to end the pain and suffering of those around him. His wife, the Princess, pleads with him to not leave the palace, especially now that he has his first born child. But the Prince feels his soul calling him to his purpose in life. The King forbids this of course, and puts up guards to prevent him from leaving.
But a small smog puts everyone to sleep, and the Prince with his friend leaves in the fog. And the prince trades clothes, and cuts off his princely hair, until he sees a group of ascetics in the forest.
He joins the ascetics, as they seem to have a way to understanding why the pain and suffering exists and maybe a way to help other people. But first he needs to understand and learn more.
...I realize I am probably skipping over some details, but I am trying to highlight the most important parts....
He stays with the ascetics for about 5 years, fasting and meditation pretty much 24 hours a day. Until one day, he hears musician on a boat on the river they are meditating by. The musician speaks to his student, "If you play it too sharp, it will break. If you play it too loose, it will not play right" (Or something to that effect.)
And it's like a light for the Prince, a realization. Turning away from living life has never been the answer, and that instead it's some kind of middle ground.
He sees this farmer girl, with her water buffalo by the river, and he goes into the river, and he rests by the river, trying to see if he can use the wisdom he just gained. The girl offers him some food, some un-ascetic food. He feeds, seeing the truth behind the musician's words. So simple, but so eloquote, the importance of balance, the concept of moderation. And has he is eating and postulating these thoughts, the ascetics come out and show their disproval, and vow that he is on the wrong path, and leave his leadership. They had wanted an ascetic answer not anything that has any life or pleasure in it.
So after the prince is done eating he goes into the river to soak and clean up, and he does this look at the water buffalo. Trying to understand all our relationship in the universe to each other.
More to come in another post, but go get this movie, this is one of those special movies.
Thought for the morning: Are you in harmony? Do you both have your struggles and your joys in equality?
Be awake, into this new world of awareness and harmony, and pay the bils. :)
Wednesday, January 08, 2003
It's amazing how daily living, can you give so many lessons.
Take for example, I tend to hang out at different chatrooms, mostly on yahoo.com.
One of my favorites, is depression room 3. I'll tell you about my problems another time. But If i am feeling good, I like to help out other people with problems, either personal, relationships or work. I really just want to give back to those who helped me, and I think more importantly, learn to be a better person.
Anyways, tonight, someone was having problems with someone at work, they just seemed to not get along. And he didn't know how to deal with it. And this isn't uncommon, work and life are full of instances where there are people you can't get along. And the reality is you don't have to, you just need to understand and find a healthier position to take. And to get there, I have a little saying of mine, that I'd like to share with you.
You can not control what other people think, feel or do, all you can do is control how you react to them.
Think about this, this is not just a cliche, or something to be easily thought upon. This is something that you need to ponder and see, how it can help you.
I am going to try to explain it, but it may take some time to really understand. Life and other people are not meant to make things easier for us, each of us is a seperate individual with different feelings, thoughts and habits. That's never going to change, so being that is the case, of course people are going to rub each other the wrong way.
But the problem is how do you handle that? Do you complain and whine, try to push someone to change, when it's not really withing their capability to be other than who they are? It's like pushing a ton of brick, you can try, and maybe make a dent, but at the best it will grow right back the way they were.
So what's a better approach, is to make a decision, either to accept them as they are, and just deal with the problems, or find ways to mutually make it easier to work with, and that has to be an equal in give and take. Or it won't work for the long haul. Or you can seperate from them to find a better place or location.
We see it on Jerry Springer, or from friends who complain about bad people to work with, there are a lot of best sellers out there. Our goal is to find ways to be happy, and if your happiness is only based on being in a perfect life or situation, you'll never be happy.
This is also like the mantra, to accept what you can not change, and change what can be changed. No complaints, either take action that makes sense and is healthy or take no action, and just accept it, without any further comments or complaints.
But remember once you make that decision, you can not go back, and pretend that you didn't make that decision.
Decisions are so very powerful, sometimes hard to find the exact right decision to make. But that's not reality.
To make good decisions, you either need more information, or new ways of looking at problems. Then make a decision.
One of the things I am trying to get across, is the sense of a complete system of healthy habits and thoughts. Not magic answers to make your problems go away, they still will exist, but you will be able to just let them go, or deal with them.
Thought for the night and twilight: Are you as happy as you want to be? Or deserve to be?
Sidenote. I am looking for other people to become part of a collobaration of writers. I really loved my experience on my previous website, of having a team effort, with each persons effort moving forward towards a complete awesome content.
If you are interested, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Good Morning. Time to listen to some John Mayer, and think some good thoughts.
One of my favorite movies, is the movie The Parenthood, starring Steve Martin, Geena Steenburgen, Keanue Reeves and a bunch of other stars. What is so surprising to me, is how after lots of growing up, that it's the simpler things that matter the most.
Does this make sense?
I mean in that movie is a great quote about, how life is like a rollercoaster. What a ride, by the grandmother. Steve Martin is crampy and so says that's stupid. But Geena, says it's not stupid, it's very wise. Because life is a rollercoaster and it has it's ups and downs, and it's not something you can prevent, so it's better to just enjoy the ride.
Is it surprising to you, that something so simple, can be so valid?
One of my other favorite quotes in that movie is from Keanue Reeves, where he says "You know, Mrs. Buchman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car -- hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming a*shole be a father."
I know it sounds old fashioned, but sometimes old fashioned is the stable and healthy way to go.
You know in my heart of hearts, I want to be a man in the flavor of my Zadie. He was not a very smart man, but he had a lot of heart and character. All he did was raise kids the right way, with no riches, no fancy job or clothing or cars. He made mistakes like the rest of us, but he had something inside him, that I which I knew him better.
Who inspires you to be the kind of person you want to be?
Email me at email@example.com, or icq me at 8490272 or msn at firstname.lastname@example.org or yahoo at stormlord_98.
Be real, and be human.
Tuesday, January 07, 2003
I was listening to the George W. Bush speech tonight, on my way home.
Now I readily admit he wasn't my first pick. And maybe before now he hasn't shown himself to be the kind of republican, I favor.
But tonight he showed the common sense, that for our economy to improve, we need to make sure more people keep more of their own money.
Regulations are useful for illegal or unethical activities, but other than that, it should be focused on making it easier for businesses and people to succeed.
I was really impressed by his conservative talk.
Let's air this out, every democrat thinks a conservative republican hates everyone, and wants steal money from the poor. That is very far from the truth. Like other parties there are always going to be the bad apples. But what we are about is, self-responsibility and limited government. We are not out to hurt anyone or rip people off. Just trying to encourage the natural development of the attitudes of a mature people.
As men, we are taught that we have to be self-responsible, and be able to pay our bills, car insurance and the works. This is how we develop maturity and confidence, knowing we can take care of ourselves. And as men, we are trained to be taking care of everyone we love.
Here's the bad part, we realize that people do need help sometimes, when they something bad happens. But there has to be realistic limits on that help. We do not want to be a country that just breeders more and more unemployed people, we want people to be self-sufficient, pay their bills, enjoy their families and get as financially stable as they can get.
This is what the american dream is about!!!!!
I know it is good to be nice and helpful, but if in helping someone they are becoming more dependent on your help, and less trying to get back on their own feet, that is very unhealthy. There is no limited funds, just like your household does not have limited funds. The money the governments spend on those who choose to be the entitled, do nothing, get tons of money, are not helping you and are just preventing you from keeping all the money you earned
There is a certain pride in working and in earning your own living.
So I understand the desire to be able to give back to society, but you can't keep giving, without understanding the consequences of that giving.
So let's find some rational questions to ask:
(1) How can I tell if the person or organization I am giving to is really helping towards the goal of self-reliance?
(2) Is the money going to this, taking away from someone who needs it more? How long should I give this money?
(3) Why am I giving this money? Is this a short-term or long-term solution, and how can I make sure that endless money isn't being sent without a solution being achieved?
You see that's what us conservative republicans are about. Add some rational common sense, you can still give, but it has to be attached to reasonable limits and focused on results.
Anything else is abuse of power.
Words for now...
If we are allowed the freedom to live our lives, then most of our goals is to have happier and healthier lives. And then work towards creating a better world for our children. Our economics system, forces us that towards that position.
Maybe we need to re-think our economics system, I don't mean for us to go back to the barter system, and an electronic system makes no sense either. But let's look at the heart of the dollar and how un-related it is, in it's value to the actual gold backing it.
This was one of the key mistakes, when we went to paper money. Sure it is easier to transport, but it is also easy to forge. No matter what we do, there can't be any foolproof system. Unless we both re-think our money system, and re-think the American Dream. In other words, is it time to evolve to a new goal or objective for our lives. Most of us, in this generation, have been spoiled by the efforts of our parents or grandparents. Do we want to spoil our children and grand children as well?
Because that is where we are heading, and it's not something we can ignore. Sure the family values is coming back, but there is so much more to it, than anything else. Like the extended family, I really believe nursing homes have really hurt us, I know it isn't easy, but life isn't about easy, it's about surviving and meeting our responsibilities and obligations.
That's it for now... Have more thinking to do..
P.S. I have to admit I am excited by this experience, and challenged.I am ready for the work, if you are willing to listen. And btw I can be reached at email@example.com.
I can't help but think of the Statue of Liberty, created by the french to help us welcome new citizens of America. Emma Lazarrus wrote a great poem.
But how much of what we are and have done, has changed.
These are some of my thoughts. Let me now introduce myself.
My name is Craig M. Rosenblum, I am by trade a professional web developer, but in my heart I am both a philosopher and a healer of souls. I have been since 1998, running, creating, writing, editing a website dedicated to the Minnesota Vikings at http://www.viking-news.com. It was a great experience, but sadly it must end, but like all things, where one thing ends, another thing begins.
And here we are the Phoenix Reborn.
I am both a Conservative Republican, and I can explain why I believe the way I do. I am also a voracious reader, of all kinds of books. I have an extensive book collection, movie collection and so on.
I think like Newt Gingrich said in 1994. It is time for a new revolution, just not the one he thought.
There has been a showing trend away from permissiveness towards prudism. It can be both a good thing and a bad thing.
Times are changing, and as good as the permissiveness was, there are bad consequences to the extremes of it. Look how it has damaged are valuing of families, and good parenting. The solid basics of life may not be cool, but they are so very much essential to the quality of our lives.
Is this the America we want to leave for our children or even ourselves?
Anyways this is to introduce myself and let you get to know me. Like everything it will take time.
God Bless America and you, my friends who give me your time.